Throughout my life, I’ve known women who wanted men who were already in relationships with other women.
It’s natural to occasionally fall for a guy who’s already in a relationship. At first glance, this doesn’t seem like much of a problem, as long as the current girlfriends don’t come to mind. These women can pull out all the stops on the guys they like, eventually getting them to dump their current (and usually undeserving) girlfriends. The guys will then ask them out and they think they’ll live happily ever after.
But there is an enormous problem here! If a guy cheats on his girlfriend with you, there are overwhelming odds that he’ll cheat on you with somebody else.
There’s nothing wrong with you. His values and personality are the dilemma. Cheating on a prior partner shows that he does not value the commitment he made to her.
Even if he tells you how much better you are than his current girlfriend and how much he loves you, you have to look at his actions. If he loves you so much, why hasn’t he dumped his current girlfriend? If he says that you’re the best thing that ever happened to him, why is he still involved with her? His actions reveal the truth.
If you really did mean the world to him, he wouldn’t be cheating on somebody with you. He’d be with you.
Here are some red flags that he’s hustling you:
1. He hasn’t left his current girlfriend
If he really wanted to commit to you, he would have. He will do to you exactly what he did to her. In his mind, you’re not special. You’re just another woman to him.
2. He tells you that he loves you and wants to spend his life with you — way too early.
When a guy tells you that you’re the love of his life on the 3rd date, he’s not in his right mind. Don’t fall for an “I love you” until he’s in a committed relationship with you and only you. Don’t believe him when he says you’re the only one he loves. Believe him when he acts like you’re the only one he loves.
3. He’s secretive about his past, job, etc.
It’s a major sign of trouble when you can’t get a straightforward story about a guy’s job. If he always says, “Oh well…that’s not what I meant. I’m the Vice President of the company on Mondays and Wednesdays… no it’s the other company I work for…” and it doesn’t seem to add up, there’s a reason. If he is deceitful about his job, his family, his friends, where he lives, et cetera, you can bet that he lies about other things as well.
This is tough to process. Every woman wants Prince Charming to come rescue them. But when a guy says that he wants to spend his life with you while he’s currently with someone else, you have to take his promise with a grain (or a shaker-full) of salt.